Erisacles (erisacles) wrote in wildefic,
Erisacles
erisacles
wildefic

So...

So, I supposedly have bipolar disorder, and I'm taking mood stabilizers and zoloft. Something moderately odd happened last night, and it frightened me.

Basically, I wanted to stay up late. My doctor has told me repeatedly not to do this, but I did it anyways. The meds make me sleepy, so I skipped the stabilizer and went off to the Walmart in town. I was planning a birthday party for a friend. I went over there at midnight, because my check hits my account around then. Everything was fine for most of the trip, but something went wrong when we were waiting in line. I realized I'd better check my account for money, and it turned out my check never hit, and I had a balance of -.09 cents. So I got scared, because I had an entire shopping cart worth of stuff (hair dye, cheese, balloons, pepsi, ice cream, stockings, yarn) that I couldn't pay for. For some reason (and this is what scares me,) at the time I didn't realize that it would be possible for me to just put the stuff back, so I thought that I'd be stuck at the Walmart until my check finally hit the account. I kind of sat down on a ledge and started to cry. Well, I teared up. I didn't sob or anything. Then, I called my mom at work and asked her if she could see if my check had hit, or when it would. She told me it wouldn't hit until morning, and that I should go home.

I swore at her and went on about how she wanted me trapped at Walmart. Eventually, one of my friends put me in the cab, and we went back to our college. At that point, I couldn't really see much, and all these bright lights kept flying in and out of my vision. That has happened before, but not for several months. When I finally got into my dormitory, as I was coming up the stairs, I could hear one of my professors chanting (or just repeating over and over) "You are not very rigorous," and it was driving me crazy. I realize that he wasn't really there, or saying that, but at the time it didn't seem to matter. I had a massive headache and called my mom back to apologize for swearing and beg for her forgiveness. She figured something was out of the ordinary and reamed me for a few minutes. I kept apologizing over and over, and she kept telling me to stop. She eventually told me that she could only forgive me if I went upstairs and took my medications, so I did. When I woke up, all the weird stuff was gone.

This sort of thing happened pretty regularly last semester. (Once, the lights were actual bats.) Does this sound anything even remotely like bipolar? I'm worried that whatever is wrong might be more serious, because, damn, that felt really serious.
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